Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
