i just wanna soil my oats bro
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
