break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
