A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
