I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
