Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
