last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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