Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
