A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
