marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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