if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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