Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
