too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
