I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
