Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
