Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
