It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i came on her dog
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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