I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
