woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We smell like vodka and hangover
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
