you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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