Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
