gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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