I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
