tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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