The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and she was petting her beer can
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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