Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
