I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
