Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
