P.S. I can't hear my feet
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
