and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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