You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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