We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
