remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
