i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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