New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
