Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
