i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
