awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
