haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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