nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
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