Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
