can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
