if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
