oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
