I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
