New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
two words...techno handjob
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
