she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
