Kiss
Puke
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
