Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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