Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
