As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
