Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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