Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
