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He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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